Yep...I've decided to agree with whoever said that bad news never has good timing. It's true and I challenge whoever reads this to prove it if you feel differently...
I've often questioned God's favor over my specific life - Why all of the blessings? Why am I so lucky to have this pretty perfect life? Why this? Why that? - I've definitely been well aware of the fact that my life is pretty freaking fantastic...thus the "Too Blessed To Be Stressed" title of my blog. Amazing healthy husband, happy and healthy little girl, spunky dog, cute and comfy home, cushy job, opportunity to vacation and live life the way we want for the most part. I have always been skeptical though. I've always kind of been waiting for the fall out. I've been cautiously optimistic at every turn because, you know...things are maybe a little too perfect.
Well...the fall out finally came. Yep. Perfect isn't really the case anymore. Not after this past Tuesday. We all woke-up in our perfect little world on Tuesday with everything as fabulous as it always has been...and then a call from my doctor at 3:30 changed everything. The bad news was here and its timing couldn't have been worse. She told me, "Your pathology report came back and the results are a little more concerning than I expected - can you come in to the office so that I can over everything with you and answer any questions you may have?" Silence...not only was I speechless, I was breathless. Obviously shit is serious when your doctor can't tell you what's wrong with you over the phone, but instead need to talk to you face to face. When I finally was able to talk, I asked her when I could come - she said, "How about today at 5:00?" Really? Are you kidding me? I thought for sure that she was going to say she had an opening later in the week. Shit must be REALLY serious when your doctor wants you to come in the same day.
Kevin and I walked into her office, sat down and tried to listen and digest the words that were coming out of her mouth. "You have adenocarcinoma of the cervix....The treatment for this cancer is surgical...The specific surgery will depend on if you want to have anymore children...A hysterectomy is an option...I'm referring you to a gynecologic oncologist...In my 10 years of private practice, you're my first patient with cancer..."
Wait, what? Are you freaking kidding me? Cancer? Cervical Cancer? Me? I have cervical cancer? My stomach was in my throat. My ears were ringing. My palms were sweaty. But for some reason, I wasn't crying. I was processing. Kevin finally spoke up and said, "So, she has cancer. What's the good news?" To which my doctor replied, "You're going to be ok." Praise The Lord!!!
It wasn't until she went back and repeated the information about a decision to have more children or not, and how that would determine my treatment that I finally lost it. See, we're not certain that we want to have anymore children...but when your back is up against the wall...and someone is telling you that you have cancer and you need to make that decision ASAP...and if you do decide to have another one, you're not going to be able to deliver naturally...you think about it a lot differently. It's a choice that I want to be ours...not a choice made because of some shitty news and a cancer diagnosis.
So, here we are. Five days later. I'm still processing. Some minutes I'm totally good and ready to get this shit taken care of and move on with my perfect little life. Other times, I'm sobbing uncontrollably. Most times, the words "cervical cancer" are on repeat in my head...over and over and over and over again. I'm getting appointments with oncologists scheduled so that we can figure out how we're going to get this shit out of my body.
My cautious optimism wants to believe that there are going to be more positives to this little ditty that we're going through rather than negatives and so with that, I'm looking for the lessons to be learned and shared along the way...there have already been so many in the last five days and I hope to be able to document them here throughout this journey.
First off girlfriends - Go to the doctor!!! If you're having regular annual physicals with a gynecologist, Brav-frickin-O! Keep doing that...forever! If you're not going each and every year, stop reading this post, pick-up your phone and dial your doctor's phone number. NOW! If I weren't vigilant about going to my appointments each year...and then following up and doing each and everything that my doctor told me to do, I wouldn't know that I have cervical cancer. Honestly, nothing is physically different in my life. I don't feel sick. I don't have any symptoms. It doesn't run in my family either. This cancer is completely sporadic and the only way to find it is through a Pap smear...and the sooner you find it, the less invasive surgery is needed and the better your chances are of getting rid of it. So go to the doctor - please!
I appreciate everyone's prayers...