Thursday, May 2, 2013

Its not what happens to you...

My surgery yesterday went well - so the doctor told everyone - I don't remember talking to her much at all...or anything else that took place from 1:00 until about 5:00 yesterday. She said that she saw 3 lesions on my cervix and therefor, she took a very large cone in hopes of getting all of the cancer. The piece of my cervix is basically like a super big biopsy will be reviewed by pathology to determine if she got all of the cancer...or if I'll have to have another procedure/treatment to cure my body of this disease. Fingers crossed that the cancer is all gone!!! Now we wait for the oncologist to call with the results...tick tock, tick tock...

I'm feeling good today. Not too much pain, but I'm staying close to the clock and taking my hydrocodone every 4 hours as directed. I don't want that stuff to wear off! So, I'm pretty drowsy and am enjoying my time snuggled in watching TV and chatting about life and random stuff with my momma - Paula P. I'm not sure what I would do without her. Just having her next to words being the best! Her presence and sweet smell are so comforting to me. I love my momma!

I've learned so much about compassion already through this ordeal. Most importantly, I've been reminded that we don't always know what is going on in other people's lives...we have no idea what they are going through. The day after my OBGYN told us about my cervical cancer, I ran into an old friend at work who was pressing me about having another child. Obviously she has no idea what I'm going through...and I wasn't about to tell her then in front of the 400 other people who were in the room that day. So, I just nodded and held back the tears as she kept on telling me all of the reasons I need to have another baby. Ugh! It was so hard to not break down right then and there. People can look completely amazing on the outside, but yet be fighting some horrible stuff behind closed doors. I know that her pressing was completely innocent - had she known, she definitely wouldn't have gone there, but it reminded me that compassion for others is so important. I'm will forever be careful as to what I say and suggest to the people around me - the people who I think I know. This was especially brought to life this last weekend as I attended a girlfriends retreat though our church.

One of the speakers at the retreat fought breast cancer 5 years ago. She had a double mastectomy and went though chemo and radiation to beat her cancer. Fast forward to last October when she was having trouble swallowing and some other strange symptoms, she went to her oncologist and learned that the cancer was back - this time in her lymph nodes and brain. Her cancer is stage 4 this time - terminal - no cure. She is my age - she has a three year old - just like me. She is gorgeous and if you didn't know that she was fighting cancer, you would think that her life was completely perfect. But in reality, she is fighting for her life! Her cancer is much more aggressive than mine and she doesn't have the "good news" that she will be ok. Yet, in the midst of her horrible terminal diagnosis, she is completely faithful and considers her cancer a blessing. A blessing because it has opened her heart and mind so that she can be completely honest with her husband, family and friends. The cancer is allowing her to enjoy a sweeter life - where she appreciates each and everything that comes her way and has been able to let go of regrets and love her family completely. A blessing because her faith and relationship with God has grown tenfold - as has the faith of her husband and family.

Her story was exactly what I needed to hear. She is so amazing. Definitely living her life as a testament to "its not what happens to you that people remember - its how you react to what has happened to you that people remember." She is young, vibrant and has an incredible attitude. I can only hope to have half as much courage as she does through my ordeal. I'm trying...

Through her story, I've realized that my cancer is God's answer to my prayer of the last several months. My prayer that He would grow our faith and relationship with Him. I never in a million years would've thought that he would offer up cancer as the catalyst to grow us closer...but if that is how He has to make it happen, then we're gonna give Him the glory that He deserves. I'm not sure how anyone can go through things like this without faith and a relationship with God. I'm so grateful for those in my life who are faith filled and have helped me get closer to God this last year. You are all blessings! XOXO

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you've started blogging again...I love reading your writing. I am praying like crazy for a clean path report next week. Love you Traci.